7.30.2004

in history class
in the future
    when they ask
the answer will be
"Jon Stewart"

7.14.2004

rediscovered words:


AmomAdad (saturnal)


those reopened wounds,
a summary of scars, interlaced,
like a map, fear, hot and meaningless,
rides shotgun down this road...
The ambiguity of my past
escapes me. It's there, all
liared out with typewriter precision
hand laminated ornaments recounting
official familial historical heaviness

the weight of experience...
droll intensity but I know me
and that's not...

It's an inquest. It's a heresy.
what heredity? this bastardy,
Deut. 23:2. (How dare I attend
your baptisms & supplications?)
structural lies lie at its very
foundations, these quaking
insurmountable obligations
to treasure the roadmap tossed,
    now given, as if
               as if
               as if.

Glorify me, heartless born twice
          left grasping the fatal
          transparency of identity,
          shards,
          mirrored shards
          slice deep, drag
these slivers of history
reflecting stripes by which
I may be healed, these
          now ruined, broken
          ideas of what if,
          what then, even now,
how else... Will this story end?
(an unfinished question.)


there's more to it than angst & shadows

Not enough to list the emotions
    as if through a fogged mirror, a
    murky liquid -- nonlucid
    relating of day to day emotional
    insecurities -- now it's achieving
    conscious awareness & the abstractions
    are cohesing, becoming simply
    what they are, rather than the
    shadows they've cast, the illusions
    They Birthed. The reality is much more Real.

from sometime in late 02

7.13.2004

It's Finally Now!

weary, starved, ache from long hours, backseats, road
and at what cost? (she is so far away)

but now, lay hearing her
voice as memory, awash
in this, given form to
a dream ten years gone, to
countless visions, trances,
wishes...

...she steps to me,
...sends to me, she
...knows my secret
...name, and I hers.

onrushing, I slip from
memory to sleep, that
I might dream to her.

7.06.2004

kitty curled tight, snuggled
warm, alive, wash over
me she comes,
spilling


and with lightning legs and with lightning tongues
she comes

and with the memories of earlier lives she comes
and with the thoughts left undone, left unspoken
lest this tapestry woven would unknit, unravel, unrune these secrets
these unaligned half-imagined treacherous words held tongue-tip
lest in speaking they rend this dreamworld asunder
and in it, and through it, and because of it you are there,
at its center

and of it are you made, and held, and borne up into the sky
kitty curled tight, snuggled
warm, alive, wash over
me she comes,
spilling


and with lightning legs and with lightning tongues
she comes

and with the memories of earlier lives she comes
and with the thoughts left undone, left unspoken
lest this tapestry woven would unknit, unravel, unrune these secrets
these unaligned half-imagined treacherous words held tongue-tip
lest in speaking they rend this dreamworld asunder
and in it, and through it, and because of it you are there,
at its center

and of it are you made, and held, and borne up into the sky

7.02.2004

touch this shared spirit
manifest smoke, coalesce

bound cord, bound willing
bound tenderness this moonlit night

sunk through worlds apart, through mirror skies,
through nothings and formless until dawn defines us